My Shepherd

by Nikki Jones
May 2009


As the days have passed by, and the shock and disbelief have worn off, I’ve grown calmer. For my birthday I was sent a book about the promise of the 23rd Psalm in the Bible. When I remember that “The Lord is my shepherd” and that he is a Good Shepherd that would never lead me astray, my spirit has peace. I’m not saying that things are perfect now, far from it, but what I am saying is that when the Lord is my objective, it puts things in perspective.

With just a few days to go now until my release from prison, I’m still struggling with anger toward my daughter’s foster parents. They’ve lied to me twice, and they’ve taught my daughter that they are her parents. So, I’m angry. But, I have to remember that God says, “Anger and sin not.” It’s o.k. to be angry. It’s just not o.k. to make rash decisions or speak harsh, hurtful words as a result of that anger. I am forgiven, and I need to forgive.

I have to look to God to soften my heart toward them and help me let go of the resentment. I have thanked God many times for giving Hannah, my daughter, such wonderful people to take care of her in my absence. I know that they don’t want to give her back to me and that is very troubling to me. I want this to be resolved without any fighting or anyone being hurt. But, I’m also resolved to have custody of Hannah returned to me. I could never let someone else raise her, knowing that I’m fully capable of doing it myself.

As strange as this is, I’ve had my re-entry all planned out for years, and now I have days when I can’t see past the gate. I know the enemy is just trying to draw me back in and make me worry and doubt myself. But, I stand on the promises of God. He is my strength and my shield, my Good Shepherd. I know that as long as I keep my eyes on Him, He will do the rest.


Read more by Nikki Jones
(as Dawn Staples Jones)

How it Feels
I can tell you about all the abuse I’ve been through and all the abuse I’ve put others through. . . Sept 2008

My mom figured Grandpa wanted to make up for all the time he had missed with his grandchildren. . .Sept 2008

Backward, Forward
I quit everything. I even quit Jesus. . Sept 2008

I am the Victor
Pain? No. That word could never describe what it felt like to walk out of The Ohio State University Hospital in shackles and leave my two-day old daughter waiting for Butler County Children’s Services to come pick her up . . .June 2008