by Johnie Sampson
March 2010

A prisoner trapped in my own body, while my body is trapped behind four walls.  I space out, as 79 voices turn to 1, and the paint bleeds from the walls from the condensation.  Lack of sleep drives my paranoia higher.  Am I crazy?  Sometimes I don’t know!  The dripping water from the sink is like my heartbeat.  It never stops.  I ask myself, “Could I be in a bad dream”?

It really seems that way!  I’m in a place where the strongest fear death, find religion, and fight one another.  The only escape from this place is when I find sleep.  Only then is it like old family movies, and plays bits and pieces of my old life.  Only then do I wake up only to be stuck in this life— Prison!

Thought is a deadly weapon when it’s out to kill your mental state of mind.

Some lessons in life are not meant to be learned.  They’re meant to be lived, and that’s what I’m doing is living and learning from a mistake that could have been avoided in all simplicity and common sense, but wasn’t.

Now I feel angry at the world when I should only be angry at myself.

Happiness is the key to life, but around here on the inside, no one is happy; just lonely, lost, sad and miserable.  I’ve been lonely for a long time.

Sometimes it feels like I’ll never be able to be happy again.  A day on 24-hour lockdown seems like a week in here.  People dying and getting stabbed seems regular in here. It happens so often it don’t even surprise me.  I’m not going to deny it anymore.  I’m losing my mind, and no one can help me.

“The pain fades in time, but the memories never die.”